Sunday, May 24, 2009

5 Years

Today marks the 5th anniversary of my dad passing away. It's hard to believe it has already been 5 years and at the same time I wanna ask, "has it ONLY been 5 years?" I look over everything I have been through and I feel like my Dad has missed so much. I think back to the person I was when he was alive and I barely know that person anymore, so it makes me wonder what he would think if he were here now.

After he died I became very attached to my hair and have had longer hair ever since. I had highlighted my hair right when he got sick and I watched them grow out and didn't want to cut my hair. I didn't want to have a new head of hair that he hadn't touched. It's a weird thing I know, but it was my thing. Thankfully split ends drive me up a wall, so I'm not a complete freak about it!

I have had a lot of amazing experiences over the past few years though that I know I would not have had if he hadn't passed away. I've learned more about myself through everything and as much as I miss my Dad, I wouldn't change any of what I have gained for the world. I have been blessed with an amazing step-dad and family who I love with all my heart and see how everything seems to work out in the end.

Usually I try to do something fun to mark this day...go hit some golfballs, go to Ted's, etc. Today I just took it easy and tried to enjoy the day as I know that's all my dad would have wanted us to do. It still makes me angry that he is gone, but I know he wouldn't want any of us to feel that way...especially today.

Kent and I also had a great week this week. We met with the Doctor and our little baby looks and sounds healthy. He is really concerned about my weight and has put me on double rations. I'm trying, but I'm honestly not so keen on the idea of gaining 35 pounds. My whole life I've been taught what are the right foods to eat and what to eat sparingly, so it is quite a shift of paradigm to know that it's ok to fill up on the "bad foods." BUT I know I gotta do this for the baby, so I really am trying!

Kent and I also spent a lot of time on our knees this week with gratitude. We've had some hard times over the last few months. We had met with our Bishop for a "Spiritual Checkup" and he talked to us about fear and compared it to pornography which seemed to help get us in line. We've tried so hard to stay positive and keep moving forward without an end in sight. Well, this week we were poured a blessing so great that there was not room enough to receive it. For the 1st time in my life I understood WHY someone would want to slaughter an animal to show gratitude. No amount of prayer or service has felt "good enough" to show our appreciation to the Lord. Yeah- it was a GOOD week!

Kent and I are so so SO excited about having our little girl and everything is just falling into place again. We're looking forward to this week and wish everyone a happy Memorial Day!


Lisa said...

Aaron and I were just talking about your dad the other day and Aaron was saying how much of a great man he was with a few funny stories as well. We wish you the best with this pregnancy. I only gained 22 pounds so just eat as your normally would, haha.

Tonia said...

I know that feeling. It's been three and a half years since my brother passed away and at times it seems like you are thinking, 'has it really been that long?'
I only ever gained about 20 pds for each pregnancy as well and I was constantly being hounded to eat more. I think you should take doctor's advice but I also think your body does what it needs to and as long as you are being smart and healthy about it. My kids were always on time and perfect. Glad to hear the blessing are starting to flow. It gets hard sometimes when the storms are raging!

John and Becky Bowler said...

Hi Carly. :) I'm very excited that you are having a baby. That is really exciting. :)